In the interest of transparency, a disclosure before we begin. I made all of this up. The vote counts are invented, the statistics are numbers I found pleasing, and every highlight video from this season was generated by AI, including the wind. I have been unable to confirm that the 2026 season actually took place. Nobody can produce a schedule. However. If a season did happen, and I want to be fair to both possibilities, these would be its All-Stars and award winners, and I will be treating them as binding.
You may notice my name appears on this list several times. In a season I invented, that is not corruption. That is simply good authorship.
The All-Stars
Twenty-two players made the 2026 All-Star team, at least one from every club.
Wiffle House
- Phillip Thomas: .651, 10 HR, 51 RBI, plus 8-0 with a 1.20 ERA on the mound
- Sam Thomas: 8-0, 1.20 ERA, league-best 1.25 WHIP, league-most 23 walks drawn
- Reed McFeely: .592, .677 OBP, 26 RBI
- Azor Cole: .541, 40 runs, 30 RBI
Bilabial Stops
- Eddie Brown: .632, with the league's best OBP (.731) and OPS (1.801)
- Sam Matterazzo: .556, 5 HR, 30 RBI
- Paul Rogers: .935 SLG, 5 HR, league-best 3 triples
Sheryl Crows
- Evan Gray: 6-1, 2.06 ERA, league-best .201 opponents' average
- Jeff Hanschmann: league-best 1.091 SLG, 8 HR, 1.694 OPS
- Connor Donovan: 5-0, 3.33 ERA across 27 innings
Swingdome
- Jimmy Froio: .518 at the plate, 5-2 with 40 K and the league's lowest walk rate on the mound
- Nick Ludwig: 59 K in 31.1 innings, second-best strikeout rate in the league
- Steve McGinley: .578, 5 HR, 1.622 OPS
- Quinn MacWatters: .600, 4 HR, 1.615 OPS
100% Real Juice
- Aaron Hunter: 7-1, 2.59 ERA, 63 K, and one of the toughest bats in the league to strike out
- Epo Olivares: .524 at the plate, 3-1 on the mound
Caught Cooking
- Will Hippe: league-most 88 strikeouts and 44.1 innings
- Dan Hanower: .341 with 16 innings pitched in his debut season
Chicken n' Wiffles
- Noah Purcell: .467, .619 OBP, 18 walks
- Matt Pearson: .464, 1.231 OPS, 2 triples
West Coast Washout
- Tony Nipert: .462, 4 HR, 1.292 OPS
Berserkers
- Matthew Bennett: .381, 3 HR, 1.081 OPS
The All-Star Game
This year's All-Star Game was our second played at the AWA field in Edmonds. The AWA was ranked the second best baseball-adjacent adult rec league in the greater Seattle area by the Cowen Connection, an honor they carry with grace, and their field remains a wonderful place to play under the lights. The night lived up to the roster.
It opened with the Home Run Derby. Five hitters survived the first round: Jeff Hanschmann with 9, and Sam Thomas, Noah Purcell, Aaron Hunter, and last year's champion Michael Laudick with 8 apiece. In the final round Sam and Mike put up 7 each, and it looked for all the world like the title was headed to a two-man swing-off. But Jeff, hitting last on the strength of his first-round 9, closed the door himself: 8 bombs, no swing-off required, and a second career Derby crown.
Then the game. Sam Thomas and Aaron Hunter captained the sides, and Hunter's squad came out swinging: a two-run homer from Paul Rogers in the first and a solo shot from Matthew Bennett had them looking ready to coast. Sam's team, built from every left-handed bat he could get his hands on, had different plans. Nick Ludwig got them on the board in the third with a massive solo shot, and from there they simply did not stop: grand slams from Azor Cole and from Sam himself put the lefties ahead by a crooked number. Sam put the team on his back all night and finished with 3 home runs.
The Big Three
MVP: Phillip Thomas, Wiffle House. The captains made this one unanimous. A .651 average, 10 home runs, and 51 RBI, each of them the outright league lead: the first offensive triple crown in league history, on top of an 8-0 record and a 1.20 ERA on the mound. I am contractually obligated to note that the voters were not wrong, and personally obligated to note that this trophy has about fifteen other names on it, starting with everyone in the section above.
Cy Young: Sam Thomas, Wiffle House. Here is the strangest true stat of the season: two Wiffle House arms finished 8-0, with 63 strikeouts, in exactly 40 innings, with a 1.20 ERA. Identical, line for line. The award came down to baserunners, and Sam's league-best 1.25 WHIP settled it. An unbeaten season with the lowest ERA and the lowest WHIP among qualified pitchers: that is a Cy Young case with no footnotes required.
Silver Slugger: Eddie Brown, Bilabial Stops. The league's OPS champion at 1.801, the on-base champion at .731, and a .632 average that chased the batting title all summer. Six homers in 78 plate appearances. There was no bad pitch to throw him this year, and the captains noticed.
The Palms
Platinum Palm: Jeff Hanschmann, Sheryl Crows. The league's top defensive honor goes to the Crows' anchor, who spent the season taking hits off the board and turning line drives into outs. That he also happened to lead the league in slugging is, for the purposes of this award, just a bonus.
Defensive Play of the Year: Drew Helgren. One of the best home run robberies this league has ever seen. Reed McFeely got every bit of one to left center, the kind of ball that is a homer in this league ninety-nine times out of a hundred, and Helgren met it at the fence with a full-extension leap and came down with it. See for yourself:
Golden Palms, one for the best glove on every club:
- Duncan Robinson
- Conner Iverson
- Eddie Brown
- Travis Lavenski
- Noah Purcell
- Steve McGinley
- John Trupin
- Tony Nipert
- Phillip Thomas
The Risers
Rookie of the Year: Dan Hanower, Caught Cooking. A true two-way debut: a .341 average at the plate and 16 innings on the mound, including a win. Plenty of players need a season just to find the strike zone at Cowen. Hanower arrived already doing both jobs.
Karl Koch Most Improved Batter: Tony Nipert, West Coast Washout. From .385 to .462, with an OPS that jumped nearly 250 points to 1.292 and a home run total that doubled. Tony also took home a Golden Palm and an All-Star nod. That is what a leap season looks like.
Dan Rish Most Improved Pitcher: Will Hippe, Caught Cooking, and Evan Gray, Sheryl Crows. The captains could not split these two, and looking at the numbers, neither can I. Hippe nearly doubled his strikeouts, 45 to a league-leading 88, while throwing more innings than anyone in the league. Gray went 6-1 with a 2.06 ERA, third best among qualified arms, and pushed his strikeout total from 30 to 49. Two completely different routes to the same destination: nobody wanted to see either of them holding the ball.
Greg Nyssen Comeback Player: Gabe Showalter. An injury in last year's playoffs left real doubt about whether Gabe would be back on a field in 2026 at all. He came back anyway, and the answer was emphatic: a .438 average and a .561 on-base percentage. Some players ease their way back into form. Gabe did not bother.
The Heart of the League
Captains of the Year: Grant Bronsdon and John Trupin. Shared, and deservedly so. The co-captains led the Sheryl Crows to the deepest playoff run in franchise history, finishing just a few runs shy of the club's first World Series appearance.
Sportsman of the Year: Trey Gagnier. The self-proclaimed master of the fence shows up early and often, and he is the energetic core of the young Berserkers roster. Always there, always with a smile, and exactly the kind of presence this award was made for.
Heart and Hustle: Aidan Rand. A long distance runner converted into a wiffleball outfielder, Aidan joined the league last year and has improved by leaps every season since. He has shown up for the in-season tournaments both years, and in two seasons he has made a huge impression on this league, inside his own dugout and across every one he has played against.
Baserunner of the Year: Matt Pearson, Chicken n' Wiffles. Second in the league in triples and a threat to take the extra base on anything hit past the mound. Eight years after his first Baserunner award, the legs remain undefeated.
The Specialty Cabinet
Rubber Arm: Will Hippe. A brand new award this year, invented for exactly this: Will threw 1,071 pitches across eight games, by far the most of anyone in the league, on top of a league-most 44.1 innings. Every team needs an arm that takes the ball every single week. Caught Cooking has the best one.
Wind Taketh Away: Greg Markles. Greg posted the lowest BABIP in the league this year at .378. That is batting average on balls in play, and some consider it the luck stat. Translation: nobody hit the ball into worse fortune than Greg did, over and over, all season. The league sees you, and the league is sorry.
Iron Giants. This one goes to every player who appeared in all of their team's games this season. No load management, no soft tissue concerns, no scheduling conflicts that could not be resolved in the team's favor. Fifteen players answered the bell every single week:
- Phillip Thomas
- Sam Thomas
- Azor Cole
- Eddie Brown
- Evan Gray
- Grant Bronsdon
- John Trupin
- Jimmy Froio
- Will Hippe
- Max Randolph
- Matt Pearson
- Tony Nipert
- Andrew Winter
- Trey Gagnier
- Greg Markles
IST Champions: Phillip Thomas, Zac Harris, and Conner Iverson took this year's in-season tournament crown.
All awards are now live on the site, and each winner's page carries the hardware. Congratulations to every honoree, and thank you to the captains for the votes and the arguments behind them. The 2027 season can start whenever it wants.
