Week two was full of great rookie performances, including that of WCW's Julian Morales, who reminded us that bunting is never allowed and instead hit two dingers.
Many a mom proved to be plenty understanding of our passion for The Bendable Game, with six teams in action this Mothers Day. We hope everyone was still able to spend some quality time with their mothers this weekend, be it before or after their games, in person or in spirit.
The day started out overcast and grey, with the clouds eventually burning off to reveal a mild summer afternoon and evening. Spectacular defensive plays were a fixture in every matchup -- keep an eye out for them in these recaps!
Chicken ‘n’ Stifled: Washout score the sweep
PRESTON SAHABU, Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles
West Coast Washout 14 || Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles 7
Although Washout’s Dan Rish ambushed Matt Pearson’s first pitch of the game for a leadoff homer, and Salvo eventually scored after sketchy defense on a single, the damage in the top of the first was limited to those two runs. The Chickens liked their chances because Pearson had his headchopper slider working, with many a batter watching it sweep into the zone, or ducking out of the way as it thudded into the board. His devilish movement would be rewarded with nine strikeouts over six innings of work.
Opposing starter Jack Kineke had a rougher go of it, opening the game with seven walks to force in three runs. He punched in a strikeout before giving up an eighth walk and getting pulled for Rish, who surrendered another run on a clutch single from Jesse Pearson. The score stood at 6-2 after one, holding steady after two as Rish robbed a sure RBI from Andy Siegel on a liner up the middle.
Jesse Pearson greeted Dan Rish rudely with a comebacker that extended CNW's lead in game one.
Washout played some small ball in the third and fourth, grinding out singles and walks against Pearson and his careful defense, setting the table for RBI fielder’s choices and even a sacrifice fly. Though light on power it was heavy on productivity with seven runs coming across. The power came in the fourth and fifth, where home runs from Julian Morales, Conor Roberson, and Kineke, pushing the score to the finish line. Roberson’s in particular was a moonshot, probably landing closer to Brooklyn Avenue than home plate. Meanwhile the Washout defense put the screws to the Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles offense, only surrendering a single run over the last five innings in support of Rish’s six strikeouts and four surrendered hits, working around seven walks.
Conor Roberson is off to a scorching hot start for WCW, going 10 for 13 including this moonshot in game one on Sunday.
West Coast Washout 15 || Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles 10
Max Melendez opened the game for the Washout and was extremely effective, mowing down six of the first seven batters by strikeout, allowing only a single walk. It was going to take quite the effort from Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles starter Michael Constantine to counter that flamethrower, but The Big Angle’s wizardry against the potent Juice offense gave them hope. Reached for comment after poking a leadoff single into right field, Dan Rish replied, “Now that I’ve faced in against it, I’m terrified.”
Max Melendez no-hit Chicken 'n' Wiffles for four innings, striking out 10 and walking just two.
He need not have worried. Constantine consistently pounded the zone, surrendering only one walk, but that strategy also led to 18 hits, of which five were home runs. Jack Kineke continued his campaign against eephus-like pitches, bashing two dingers to go with his one against Matt Pearson’s yakker. Captain Jeremy Salvo and Melendez went back to back in the 2nd, and Julian Morales spiked another for good measure. At least there was a nice fence to look at in the foreground, which Andy Siegel did his best to destroy, robbing another home run from Melendez on a spectacular catch.
Yasiel Kineke aka Daisy Dukes aka Pockets on Blast got mad and then got even with three home runs to take the league lead.
Washout pushed into their bullpen to test their depth after building an 11-0 lead, and the Chickens gamely took walks and scratched out singles in response. The game inched to 12-10 before Melendez reentered in the top of the fourth to close it out. Morales’ home run pushed across some backbreaking insurance, and the game was called after five due to time limits.
Everyday is a Winding Road: Sheryl Crows vs 100% Real Juice
GRANT BRONSDON, Sheryl Crows
100% Real Juice 16 || Sheryl Crows 0
100% Real Juice 14 || Sheryl Crows 1
COWEN PARK -- Picture this. You’ve spent your whole life preparing for one big moment, your debut, your chance to fulfill all those dreams. Remember that project you did in third grade about what you wanted to be when you grew up? Your teacher said “wiffleball pitcher” definitely didn’t count. You didn’t listen.
And now, here you are.
Seven walks, twelve awkward jokes, and at least three semi-sarcastic rounds of applause later, there you were. Heading to the showers (or, in this case, shortstop), with your team following not far behind.
So it went for Grant “Rick Ankiel” Bronsdon on Sunday afternoon in his Seattle Wiffleball debut. And notwithstanding a few good plays on defense, a few scattered hits, and a bases-loaded RBI walk, so too went the Sheryl Crows, falling to 100% Real Juice 16–0 and 14–1.
100% Real Juice did a lot of walking a little bit of running.
With a core contingent of the team out this week — including the only player with any collegiate playing experience and one of two players with any previous wiffleball experience — the Crows, in their debut doubleheader, were likely facing an uphill battle. Further complicating things was the opponent: The Juicers, as longtime fans will note, won the title last year on a walkoff walk, and their suspiciously strong lineup has struck fear into the heart of many an opposing pitcher.
That nine-run first inning, combined with the nasty pitching of Aaron “Wild Thing, Minus the Wildness” Hunter in the bottom of the frame, effectively shut things down and cemented an early win for Gabe “I’m Not Chris Taylor, I Swear” Showalter. The clutch relief pitching of Tyler “I Almost Hit a Homer But It Was Foul By Five Feet” Racher and Stephen “Incredibly Calm and Rational Sports Fan” Felak kept the damage from getting too out of hand.
Chris Taylor Gabe Showalter hit his first homer of the year for the Juice.
The biggest highlight, of course, was the league history made by Harry “Robbie Alomar, Minus the Spitting” Page-Salisbury in Game One. With one out and a runner on first, he smoothly fielded a ground ball, tagged the runner, then threw on to first to complete the first traditional double play in league history. A remarkable feat, no doubt, and it only reinforced the notion that the Crows, for all they lack on the mound and at the plate, could make up for it with stellar defense.
It took a scratch hit from Leonard “Bob Dylan” Su in the fourth to prevent the no-hitter, but that was all she wrote for the Crows in Game One.
Game Two saw a better start but a much weaker finish. With their bullpen ravaged by poor play and a terrifying dearth of talent, the Crows turned to Matthew “Right-Handed Jamie Moyer” Roberson to finish off the contest.
“I went with the Hector Noesi approach of throwing every ball right down the middle,” Roberson said. “Zero breaking stuff.”
Hector Noesi Matthew Roberson took the mound for the Crows in game two.
Things unfolded predictably from there, with 10 runs crossing the plate. It took a bases-loaded RBI walk from Bronsdon (not to be confused with younger & cooler brother, and teammate, Colin “Don’t Call Me C.J.” Bronsdon) to give the Crows even one run on the day.
But former Cannonball Coming stalwart and Crows captain Eric “Father of the Cutest Two-Year-Old I’ve Ever Seen” Sanford had nothing but praise for his team after the game.
Epo Olivares was up to his old tricks, shutting down the Crows in dominant fashion.
“I’m proud of my guys,” Sanford told Wiffleball Weekly Sunday night. “Sure, we didn’t do well according to the statistics. But none of us believe in analytics or numbers or any of that crap. We’re focused on winning ball games and giving it our all, and from what I hear, the boys really gave it their all. I guess they just didn’t have that much.”
Good news seems to be just beyond the horizon: While 100% Real Juice remains as formidable as ever, sources indicate that both Bronsdon brothers are meeting Monday night for a strategy session, and the elder brother has begun sleeping with a wiffleball in his hand in a search for a yips cure.
We're all counting down the days until the Crows' sweet Black/Purple/White shirts are featured on Uniwatch.
Regardless of the outcome, both teams seemed in good spirits, happy for the chance to soak up the sun. Perhaps the Crows’ next game will go better; after all, everyday is a winding road.
Rookie Bilabial Stops earn split with Steaks
DANIEL RISH, Seattle Wiffle
RBI Steaks 13 || Bilabial Stops 1
The Bilabial Stops were baptised with a Winn-fueled fire, as Nick Winn outshone the debut of Nick Usoff on the mound. Usoff weaseled his way out of trouble in the first, holding the Steaks to one run after four walks in the first five batters, but his counterpart never got in trouble in the first place. Mitch Barham homered in the second and two RBI walks gave him credit for the first 5 Steak runs. Down 8-0 and responsible for two more runners, Usoff was relieved by Garrett Herfkins, who performed admirably in the face of the Steak onslaught. The game ended in mercy, with the Steaks racking up 18 walks to go with 7 hits. Herfkins picked up two of the Stops’ three hits.
The Jack Sandstrom On Base Parade™ continued with a triple and many many many walks for the Steaks.
Bilabial Stops 13 || RBI Steaks 6
Poor Garrett Herfkins. He had his obligatory, “Oh what? We play two?” rookie moment at the end of game one and had to leave his teammates short-handed to face another defeat made more probable by his departure. (Don’t worry Garrett, we’ve all been there.) But something else was at play. Beginner’s luck? Or more? Time will tell. Nick Usoff began things with a crack, sending the ball sprinting towards the outfield fence at an altitude of 5 feet before a timely hurdle made it clear the fence. 1-0 Stops.
Nick Usoff AKA The Flash had a loud debut, cracking two home runs for the Bilabial ones.
A Jack Sandstorm triple and score (on a ball that barely snuck past lone outfielder Usoff) followed immediately by a Steven McGinley dinger made the score 2-1 Steaks. That would be the lone lead of the game for the Steaks. The BS’ers loaded the bases, using veteran patience against Riley Brindle, before Captain Eddie Brown helped his own cause on the mound by uncorking a grand slam. 5-2 Stops. Quickly, the lead ballooned. 6-2 on a Bobby Vadnais RBI single. 8-2 on another Brown dinger. All of a sudden, the ESPN prognosticators highlighted the Steaks: UPSET ALERT.
It was hard to wipe the smirk off of Eddie Brown's face after his team of rookies upset the RBI Steaks to earn a split of the doubleheader
The Steaks clawed one back in the second but none in the third, and now they faced a new threat: time. Despite having two solid pitchers on the mound, the first 3-½ innings produced 24 baserunners and countless deep counts (22 ending in a walk or a strikeout). The game was decreed to go only to 5 innings. The Steaks pulled within 8-4 with one inning to play, but Ben Burkhardt made his presence felt with 3 hits in the 5th inning to lead a 5-run insurance rally. Eddie Brown closed out a solid opening performance by shutting the door. Though he allowed two more across, courtesy again of McGinley, the game never felt in danger for the Bilabial Stops and they scratched out their first franchise victory.
