Editor's Note: This article was written at the end of May, 2020. Procrastination, blah, blah, blah.
You can blame us. Blame us for the lockdown, blame us for the COVID, blame us for your Quarantine 30. Here it is, the end of May, and no Wiffle has been played. That's because a great omission - a snub - has taken place. The Juice Boxes made Seattle Wiffleball history, yet the journals of the day were silent. No more. Let it be announced to the world that on August 18, 2019, 100% Real Juice won their record 2nd World Series title, becoming the league's most prolific champions and owners of the last two titles. Now, let the curse be lifted, and normalcy return.
Game 1: 100% Real Juice 14, Bilabial Stops 6
Game One was a showdown between 2019 Cy Young winner Aaron Hunter of 100% Real Juice and rookie sensation Eddie Brown of the Bilabials Stops. The Juice batted six, a trim lineup for them, while the Stops took the field with only four.
Things started off well for the Juice in the first, with back-to-back walks. Matt Guindon looked to put the Juice on the board first, blooping what would be a double into the outfield. Nick Usoff, the Stops lone outfield and possibly world’s fastest man, made the first game-changing play of the series, rifling a relay to Brown near the mound, who turned and fired, cutting down Matt Morris just before his foot touched down on the plate. The play turned the tide, and back-to-back strikeouts ended the threat. In the bottom of the inning, Hunter took to the mound. What was it, the pressure of the moment? An over-charged gun? Hunter rocked and fired and missed, rocked and fired and missed. Walk, walk, walk. Ben Burkhardt squibbed a 20-footer, scoring the first run and leaving the bases loaded with none out. Eddie Brown singles. Walks by Usoff and Bobby Vadnais followed, before another Burkhardt single and a fielder’s choice by Brown. Lightning had struck on a clear day. Only one out in, and it was 6-0 Bilabial Stops.
These are the moments when strong men can crack, where mental midgets are revealed.
Hunter walked one more before stranding the bases loaded on two strikeouts, and the pro-Juice faction breathed an uneasy sigh of relief. Still, the talking heads on the sidelines were murmuring. Could it really happen? Could the underdogs be turning the script upside down?
The grid can’t be held down for long. The Juice came back to life -- after a pair of lead-off walks, doubles by Matt Guindon and Sam Lacroix made the score 6-4. A clean inning followed, with the Stops’ lead feeling more tenuous. Walk, single, walk, walk. 6-5. Then deliverance for the Juice, in the form of a Tim Haggerty double. 7-6 Juice.
Matt Morris added a 4th inning insurance run, and then the dam broke in the 6th. “A carousel of defensive miscues with aggressive baserunning,” Preston Sahabu notes. The Juice scored 6, including 4 with two outs, and coasted to a 14-6 victory.
After the first inning, Aaron Hunter allowed just two walks and two singles.
Game 2: 100% Real Juice 6, Bilabial Stops 0
In Game 2, it was Epo Olivares on the mound for the Juice, fresh out of his Eminem jacket and feeling a bit "under the weather". Nick Usoff took the ball for the Stops. Usoff faced offensive resistance, but due to his team’s superb defense in the first, with all outs recorded in the field, avoided harm. After two full, the score was still 0-0. If Epo was feeling out of sorts, it did not show. He pitched a flawless first, and then worked out of harmless jams in innings two and three.
In the third, Gabe Showalter belted a two-run dinger to get the ball rolling for the Juice. A single by Matt Morris, and RBI hits by Matt Guindon and Sam Lacroix extended the lead to 5-0. The Juice would tack on one more in the 4th via an Aaron Hunter double, but the pitching of Epo kept this a drama-free affair. He scattered three hits and eight walks over the outing, and left the bases loaded in the 6th to seal a second title for the Juice.
